I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
