I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
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I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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