he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
