I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
