so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
