im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
