Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
