Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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