I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
