Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
