I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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