I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize