my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
