I'm drive I can fine osifer
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
pray to the hookup gods
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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