You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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