Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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