I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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