Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
