i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
