You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
