My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
