Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
