I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
