he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
