I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
