If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
