we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're a waste of cheezeits
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
