i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
