u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
