i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
