I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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