I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
