I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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