We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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