I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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