i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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