Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
