Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
