I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
