Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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