She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
