Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
