dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
