She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
