That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
