I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
