remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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