Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
