Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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