I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
