he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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