She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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