there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
