Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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