yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
