my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
