woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So squirting runs in the family.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
