One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
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I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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