dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
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you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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