if i can run in heels then i can drive
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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