i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
