My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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