ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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