I'm really into asian looking animals
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
