Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
