wanna go halves on a baby?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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