dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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