Who wears a wallet chain?!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
