Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
