so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need a beard to bite.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
