just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
