Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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