We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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