I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
