I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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